A married man should forget his mistakes.  There's no use in two people remembering the same thing!

 

           PAGE TWENTY-EIGHT

The human body is a machine that is full of wonder. This collection of human body facts will leave you wondering why in the heck we were designed the way we were.

1.. Scientists say the higher your I.Q. The more you dream.

2.. The largest cell in the human body is the female egg.

3.. The smallest is the male sperm.

4.. You use 200 muscles to take one step.

5.. The average woman is 5 inches shorter than the average man.

6.. Your big toes have two bones each while the rest have three.

7.. A pair of human feet contain 250,000 sweat glands.

8.. A full bladder is roughly the size of a soft ball.

9.. The acid in your stomach is strong enough to dissolve razor blades.

10.. The human brain cell can hold 5 times as much information as t he Encyclopedia Britannica.

11.. It takes the food seven seconds to get from your mouth to your stomach.

12.. The average human dream lasts 2-3 seconds.

13.. Men without hair on their chests are more likely to get cirrhosis of the liver than men with hair.

14.. At the moment of conception, you spent about half an hour as a single cell.

15.. There is about one trillion bacteria on each of your feet.

16.. Your body gives off enough heat in 30 minutes to bring half a gallon of water to a boil.

17.. The enamel in your teeth is the hardest substance in your body.

18.. Your teeth start developing (in your gums) 6 months before you are born.

19.. When you are looking at someone you love, your pupils dilate, they do the same when you are looking at someone you hate.

20.. Blondes have more hair than dark-haired people. Hmmm.....

21.. Your thumb is the same length as your nose.

22.. At this very moment I know full well you are putting this last fact to the test ... now remove your thumb from your nose and pass this on to the friends you think might be interested in comparing their thumbs to their noses as well.            Contributed by Nina Faundez - Ohio

 

Perfect Divorce Divorce settlement for a lawyer who almost had it all...

A married couple is driving along a highway doing a steady forty miles per hour. The wife is behind the wheel. Her husband, a divorce lawyer, suddenly looks across at her and speaks in a clear voice, "Darling," he says. "I know we've been married for twenty years, but I want a divorce."

The wife says nothing, keeps looking at the road ahead but slowly increases her speed to 45 mph.

"I don't want you to try and talk me out of it", he says, "because I've been having an affair with your best friend, and she's a far better lover than you are."
Again the wife stays quiet, but grips the steering wheel more tightly and slowly increases the speed to 55.

The husband confidently says, "I want the house." The wife knows he has the skill to get the upper hand in a divorce proceeding. Up to 60.

"I want the car, too," he continues. 65 mph.

"And," he says, "I want the bank accounts, all the credit cards and the boat."

The car veers towards a massive concrete bridge. This makes the husband nervous, so he asks her: "Is there anything you want?"

The wife at last replies - in a quiet and controlled voice. "No, I've got everything I need." she says.

"Oh, really?" he says with derision. "So what have you got?"

Just before they slam into the wall at 65 mph, the wife turns to him and smiles.
"The airbag."  Contributed by Mike Bragg - Ravenswood, WV

 

 

 

 

 

A first-grade teacher, Ms. Brooks, was having trouble with one of her students. The teacher asked,'Harry, what's your problem?' Harry answered, 'I'm too smart for the 1st grade. My sister is in the 3rd grade and I'm smarter than she is! I think I should be in the 3rd grade too!'!

Ms. Brooks had had enough. She took Harry to the principal's office. While Harry waited in the outer office, the teacher explained to the principal what the situation was. The principal told Ms. Brooks he would give the boy a test. If he failed to answer any of his questions he was to go back to the 1st grade and behave. She agreed.

Harry was brought in and the conditions were explained to him and he agreed to take the test. Principal:' What is 3 x 3?' Harry: '9. ' Principal: 'What is 6 x 6?' Harry:'36.' And so it went with every question the principal thought a 3rd grader should know. The principal looks at Ms. Brooks and tells her, 'I think Harry can go to the 3rd grade.' Ms. Brooks says to the principal, 'Let me ask him some questions.'

The principal and Harry both agreed. Ms. Brooks asks, 'What does a cow have four of that I have only two of?' Harry, after a moment: 'Legs' Ms Brooks: 'What is in your pants that you have but I do not have?' The principal wondered why would she ask such a question! Harry replied: 'Pockets.' Ms. Brooks: 'What does a dog do that a man steps into?' Harry: 'Pants. 'Ms. Brooks: What starts with a C, ends with a T, is hairy, oval, delicious and contains thin, whitish liquid?'
Harry: 'Coconut.'

The principal sat forward with his mouth hanging open. Ms. Brooks: 'What goes in hard and pink then comes out soft and sticky?' The principal's eyes opened really wide and before he could stop the answer, Harry replied, 'Bubble gum. 'Ms. Brooks: 'What does a man do standing up, a woman does sitting down and a dog does on three legs?' Harry: 'Shake hands.' The principal was trembling.

Ms. Brooks :'What word starts with an 'F' and ends in 'K' and generates a lot of excitement?' Harry: 'Firetruck.' The principal breathed a sigh of relief and told the teacher,' Put Harry in the fifth-grade, I got the last seven questions wrong.....'

Contributed by Karen Jones - Spencer, WV

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