THE RIGHT AGE FOR CUSSING

A 6-year-old and a 4-year-old are upstairs in their
bedroom." You know what?" says the 6-year-old. "I think it's
it's about time we start cussing." The 4-year-old nods his head in
approval. The 6-year-old continues. "When we go downstairs for
breakfast I'm going to say "hell" and you say "ass."
"OK!" The 4 year old agrees with enthusiasm.

Their mother walks into the kitchen and asks the
6-year-old what he wants for breakfast. "Aw hell, Mom, I guess I'll
have some Cheerios."

WHACK! He flies out of his chair, tumbles across the
kitchen floor, gets up, and runs upstairs crying his eyes out, with
his mother in hot pursuit, slapping his rear every step. The mom
locks him in his room & shouts, "You can just stay there till I let you out!"

She then comes back downstairs, looks at the
4-year-old, and asks with a stern voice, "And what do YOU want for
breakfast young man?
"I don't know," he blubbers, "But you can bet your
fat ass it won't be Cheerios."

LOVE POEM

Susie Lee done fell in love;
She planned to marry Joe.
She was so happy 'bout it all
She told her Pappy so.
Pappy told her, "Susie gal,
You'll have to find another.
I'd just as soon yo' Ma don't know,
But Joe is yo' half brother"
So Susie put aside her Joe
And planned to marry Will.
But after telling Pappy this,
He said, "There's trouble still...
you can't marry Will, my gal.,
And please don't tell your Mother,
But Will and Joe and several mo'
I know is yo' half brother"
But Mama knew and said, "My child,
Just do what makes yo' happy.
Marry Will or marry Joe
You ain't no kin to Pappy."

THE CIA

The CIA had an opening for an assassin. After all of the background checks, interviews, and testing were done there were three finalists, two men and a woman.

For the final test, the CIA agents took one of the men to a large metal door and handed him a gun.
"We must know that you will follow your instructions, no matter what the circumstances.
Inside of this room, you will find your wife sitting in a chair, Kill Her!!!"

The man said, "You can't be serious. I could never shoot my wife."
The agent said, "Then you're not the right man for this job."

The second man was given the same instructions. He took the gun and went into the room. All was quiet for about five minutes. Then the man came out with tears in his eyes. "I tried, but I can't kill my wife."

The agent said, "You don't have what it takes, Take your wife and go home."

Finally, it was the woman's turn.  She was given the same instructions, to kill her husband.
She took the gun and went into the room. Shots were heard, one shot after another. They heard screaming, crashing, banging on the walls. After a few minutes, all was quiet. The door opened slowly and there stood the woman.  She wiped the sweat from her brow and said, "The darn gun was loaded with blanks! I had to beat him to death with the chair."

DINNER CONVERSATION

HUSBAND: "Definitely not!"
WIFE: "Why not - don't you like being married?"
HUSBAND: "Well, of course I do to you."
WIFE: "Then why wouldn't you remarry?                     
HUSBAND: "Okay, I'd get married again."

WIFE: "Would you replace my pictures with hers?"
HUSBAND: "That would seem like the proper thing to do."
WIFE: "Would she use my golf clubs?"
HUSBAND: "No, she's left-handed."
WIFE: - - - silence - - -
HUSBAND: "Oh, Shoot!"

WEST VIRGINIA WOMAN
 
 Three men were traveling and happened to meet at a bar
 in Ohio.  One man was from Michigan, one from Florida and
 one from West Virginia. They got acquainted and started
 talking about their problems with their wives.
 
 The guy from Michigan began by saying: "I told my wife
 in no uncertain terms that from now on she would have to
 do her own cooking.  Well, the first day after I told her, I
 saw nothing.  The second day I saw nothing. But on the
 third day when I came home from work, the table was
 set, a wonderful dinner was prepared with wine and
 even dessert."
 
 Then the man from Florida spoke up: "I sat my wife
 down and told her, that from now on she would have to
 do her own shopping, and also do the cleaning. The first
 day I saw nothing.  The second day I saw nothing.  But
 on the third day when I came home, the whole house was
 spotless, and in the pantry the shelves were filled with
 groceries".
 
 The fellow from West Virginia was married to an enlightened
 woman from the Mountain State.   He sat up straight on the
 bar stool, pushed out his chest and said: "I gave my wife
 a stern look and told her, that from now on she would have
 to do the cooking, shopping and housecleaning.  Well, the
 first day I saw nothing. The second day I still saw nothing.
 But by the third day, .....................

  I could see a little bit out of my left eye..."

SIGNS THAT YOU ARE PROBABLY "A LITTLE DIFFERENT"

1. The Halloween pumpkin on your porch has more teeth than your spouse.

2. You let your twelve-year-old daughter smoke at the dinner table... in
front of her kids.

3. You've been married three times and still have the same in-laws.

4. Your wife's hairdo was once ruined by a ceiling fan.

5. Your junior prom had a day care.

6. One of your kids was born on a pool table.

7. You think loading a dishwasher means getting your wife drunk.

8. Your home is mobile, but none of your cars in the driveway are.

The reports about terrorists having been seen roaming the halls at Cecil's Portal are true. Three have been detained and are being questioned in the lunchroom. They are: Bin Loafin, Bin Drinkin, and Bin Late. The possible remaining member of the gang is still at large.

So far no one fitting the description of the rumored terrorist, Bin Working, has been seen in the building. Owner Cecil Starcher is not for sure if this person really exists at all let alone being apprehended. Anybody having information about anyone that could possibility fit this description is encouraged to find somebody and tell. Getting an actual picture of the terrorist in action would be something else for sure.